Changing Seasons and Grief

Like going through death anniversaries and other days that remind us of a death or significant loss, seasons changing can have the same effect on our grief. As the hot summer days fade into cool afternoons and evenings…as the last leaf falls from the trees before the the first frost…as the days eventually grow longer and warmer out of the cold blustery days of winter…and as the still chilly spring days warm up into eternally warm summer days and nights...seasons can often remind us of major change and transition in our lives. For many of us, seasons can mark the differences between what life was like then and what life is like now.

For me, I feel the effects of seasonal grief more during the spring and fall months. Mike and I always ushered spring in with walks in our neighborhood, enjoying neighbors' gardens as they began to wake up and as we considered what we would add to our garden that year. We ushered fall in by walking our dogs to the local coffee shop, and then enjoying an afternoon football game on the TV as we made homemade nachos and cozied up on the couch. Now, in the cooler evenings and mornings on this edge of fall, I get small pangs of sadness that I am not able to enjoy this season changing with Mike.

Having just ushered in September, seasons changing and the effect on grief leads me to share this poem I came across the other day…

Seasons Of Grief 
By Belinda Stotler

Shall I wither and fall like an autumn leaf,

From this deep sorrow - from this painful grief?

How can I go on or find a way to be strong?

Will I ever again enjoy life's sweet song?

Sometimes a warm memory sheds light in the dark

And eases the pain like the song of a Meadow Lark.

Then it flits away on silent wings and I'm alone;

Hungering for more of the light it had shone.

Shall grief's bitter cold sadness consume me,

Like a winter storm on the vast angry sea?

How can I fill the void and deep desperate need

To replant my heart with hope's lovely seed?

Then I look at a photo of your playful smiling face

And for a moment I escape to a serene happy place;

Remembering the laughter and all you would do,

Cherishing the honest, caring, loving spirit of you.

Shall spring's cheerful flowers bring life anew

And allow me to forget the agony of missing you?

Will spring's burst of new life bring fresh hope

And teach my grieving soul how to cope?

Sometimes I'll read a treasured card you had given me

And each word's special meaning makes me see,

The precious gift of love I was fortunate to receive,

And I realize you'd never want to see me grieve.

Shall summer's warm brilliant sun bring new light,

And free my anguished mind of its terrible plight?

Will its gentle breezes chase grief's dark clouds away,

And show me a clear path towards a better day?

When I visit the grave where you lie in eternal peace,

I know that death and heaven brought you release;

I try to envision your joy on that shore across the sea,

And, until I join you, that'll have to be enough for me.

For all the remaining seasons of my life on earth,

There'll be days I'll miss your merriment and mirth,

And sometimes I'll sadly long for all the yesterdays;

Missing our chats and your gentle understanding ways.

Yet, the lessons of kindness and love you taught me,

And the good things in life you've helped me to see;

Linger as lasting gifts that comfort and will sustain,

Until I journey to that peaceful shore and see you again.

If this posting/poem speaks to you, take some quiet time to ponder how grief may show up in the seasons of your life. If you are someone who processes through writing, some things to consider include:

• What seasons might be more difficult to experience after your loss/transition? What does the season remind you about the experience, or about the loved one who has passed?
• What kind of self-care can you engage in that will offer you solace during the grief seasons changing can bring?
• What hope might be found for you in the changing of seasons?

If you are someone who processes through visual means, take out a few magazines and create a collage from pictures that show how seasons impact your grief/loss/change on one side of the paper, and on the other choose pictures that show what hope you have for the future as you face further changing seasons.

For me, I find spending time in nature to be a healing activity for my heart and soul. I recently spent time at a few local farms, walking and enjoying the expansive harvest. I also enjoy seeking out those scenic drives where the leaves show all the colors…reds, oranges, light yellows, dark yellows, and fading greens. 

My wish for you…