Connections

I picked this up someplace, and I can't quite recall where. I was going through an old journal today and find the typewritten pages. Upon reading it, I feel that the reason I found it today was this is how I have been feeling lately. Some days, though, I find it easier to brush off such intense connection. When your heart can stand it, face your day in a purposeful way, and see what connections you may make in the most simple of locations: a grocery store, a restaurant...

Today I Feel the Pain of the World

By Mark Nepo, from Surviving Has Made Me Crazy

My dog's hips grind where no one can see.

She wants to keep up, but has to sit.

I take her home, pet her a while,

and go for groceries where

the old man packing bags

is staring off. I know by his heavy

silver eyes that he is a widower 

and just as he lifts my no-fat cottage cheese

he sees her floating somewhere before him

and the soda and the swordfish and the English muffins 

are piling up as the black belt keeps

moving, and I gently take the cottage cheese

from his hand and he returns, looking at

me, a bit dizzy to still be here.

He sighs, rubs his eye, and asks, "Paper 

or plastic?" I help him bag

what no one can bag.

After putting soda in the fridge

I eat out anyway, and next to me

a small woman trying to be heard

while her larger partner pretends nothing is wrong.

She knocks over the salt as he butters

his bread. He shakes his head

and wonders who she is.

Beyond them, in a booth by a window,

an elderly couple. It is clear they can't speak.

They sign each other and their faces 

are lively with yes and no and in between.

Suddenly over coffee, the man sees something across the road.

He's full of joy, pointing and smiling, wanting

his wife to see. It could be a hawk opening its wings 

or a burst of light budding a thin maple.

His wife never really sees

be he thinks she does

and he feels relieved.

I realize we are all this way.

Whether seeing dead faces at the register

or butterflies behind the light poles, sometimes

the skin of mind is torn and we are not 

separate beings. Once the talking is done,

we point and point at the proofs of love

for all we're worth.

I feel more today

than one being should

and can't tell

if I'm in trouble

or on holy ground.

Skateboard

The other night outside of my condo building, as I took Rene on a walk to relieve herself, I noticed a little girl with a skateboard in the empty parking lot of the medical building that sits diagonal to my building. She looked about 9 years old, with long blond hair partially covered with a helmet and was wearing her leg and elbow protection pads. I had noticed her and her little sister a few days before, this girl trying out her new skateboard and her sister trying out her roller blades. I remember smiling, remembering what it was like to get a new bike or skateboard when I was a kid.

As Rene sniffed around I saw the little girl looking as though she was practicing on and off the skateboard. She cruised for a bit and then fell off after losing her balance. She took the skateboard and slammed it to the ground about 5 times screaming “No, No No!” and a final throw to the ground, as she sat on the asphalt and looked forlorn.

Then she got back up, got back on, and cruised my direction back toward her house. I gave her a smile and asked if she just got this skateboard and she said yes. I told her for a new boarder she was doing really great and to keep at it. She gave me a quizzical smile and said "thanks, I will".

Obviously this image sat with me as I am writing about it today. How many times do we watch our friends or family members falter and say nothing? How many times do we watch our loved ones struggle and tell them what they should do differently? How many times do we shame, either privately or publicly, the people in our lives if they don’t act or do what we expect them to do?

I could have told that little girl “not to be frustrated or get so angry.” I could have told her how to gain better balance. I could of told her “skateboards are for boys” (I don’t actually believe that!). Instead, I gave her a few encouraging words, and I hope they stick with her to keep on trying.

Today, let’s encourage each other. Let’s not criticize or find fault. Let’s not shame others to make ourselves feel good. Let’s wrap each other in blankets of support and love as we all embark on our own life journeys. Because, you are going to need it yourself one day. You are going to try your hand at your own skateboard and you may falter and fall, too. You are going to need your loved ones to encourage you to keep going, even though you don’t want to. And then you will ride.