Maintaining Inner Peace in Times of Conflict

Has this happened to you? You are spending some time perusing Facebook. You are scrolling through your newsfeed from your various friends who all have their own opinions. You see a post about something you disagree with; you leave a comment. Someone else targets a comment toward you; your blood begins to boil, you get angry and leave an angrier comment back. You begin thinking to yourself, “How can this person even think this way?” You come across other posts you don’t agree with and pretty much you are in a fury of frustration, your physical body in a state of fight-or-flight and your emotional self wracked with self-righteous feelings that you are the right one in these posts and the other person just needs to see the light.

This happened to me recently, or a version of it anyway. Just starting to come down from an energizing and charged weekend participating in the Women’s March on Denver, I sat down excitedly to post my photos to Facebook. In the process of doing so, posts came through my newsfeed on the other side of the coin, condemning the march or with offensive meme’s toward people who participated in the march and policies that the march stood for. My anxiety increased, my heart beat faster, and I could feel the heat rising in my face. “How dare someone question the viability of this march! They are obviously wrong and I am right!” I proceeded to write a post to “All my FB friends who think I am whining about the election…” and continued to feel physically and emotionally charged up throughout the rest of the day.

We all have lost our cool when faced with other people’s differing opinions than our own. However, there is another way, and that way is to find inner peace. I know I went off the rails of the inner peace train when I started becoming self-righteous. In essence, self-righteousness is the idea that “I am right and you are wrong.” It negates the other person’s perspective, it leads the thinker to feelings of superiority, and it continues perpetuating the conflict that is occurring and feelings of anger and resentment. The Huffington Post, in its article about self-righteousness, writes about the irrational thinking that is behind it:

All-or-nothing thinking: When one sees things in black-and-white terms and has very limited vision. If something, someone, or some belief falls short of what this individual sees as perfect, he or she sees it as worthless or a total failure.

Over-generalizations: People who over generalize take a single negative incident and exaggerate it. These individuals have a lot of use for words like “always,” “never,” “all” and “no one,” extreme words that by themselves can create radical thinking.

Mental filters: This is when a person picks one or a few negative events and dwells on them to make them look much bigger, darkening his or her vision of reality. 

Discounting the positive: This is when the person rejects anything positive related to a situation, thinking that the positives “don’t really matter.”

Jumping to conclusions: This is when a person comes up with conclusions when there are no logical, scientific, or unbiased facts to support those conclusions.

“Should” statements: This is when a person tells herself that everyone and everything “should” be the way she thinks, functions and is comfortable with. People who make a lot of personal “should” statements usually experience a lot of negative emotions like guilt and frustration, or even anxiety. Should statements that are directed at other people, or at the world in general, lead to anger and frustration (e.g., “He shouldn’t think like this”).

Maintaining inner peace, however, is one way to help yourself through times of conflict, where you just want the other person to agree with you and all will be well. Pema Chodran describes inner peace simply and beautifully:

Some ways you can maintain your inner peace during any type of conflict include:

• Step away from the screen! If you are in front of your social media and start feeling your blood heat up, get up, go outside, pet your dog or cat, have a snack, drink a glass of water…then come back to it later and see how you feel.
• Engage in diaphragmatic breathing: Hold one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly and make your belly soft, like a bowl full of jelly. Feel your inward breath pass through your chest and into your belly. Exhale from your belly and feel it pass through your chest. Do this a few times while sitting at your computer, before that meeting where you might have to defend yourself or a decision you made, or any other time where conflict might arise.
• Find an outlet that is completely fun where opinions don’t matter. There is a phone puzzle game I play called Ruzzle. Some of my opponents are my friends and others are people I don’t know; I keep the interaction to the puzzle only and take frustrations out by trying to beat their scores each time!
• Get outside. Touch nature. Look at the sky and the stars. Watch a sunrise and sunset. Ground yourself back to the idea that we are all interconnected on this planet and only here for a very short time.

Further, to keep your self-righteousness in check…

• Invite one person from a different perspective to coffee to discuss one issue you don’t see eye to eye on. Set some rules, share your thoughts, and see if you can list what you do agree on rather than don’t.
• Pick up a book or read an article about issues from the perspective of the other side.
• Send a card to that FB friend or family member who doesn’t see things the way you do that you still appreciate them even though you don’t always agree.

The beauty about life is…we can try to do it differently the next time!

Hope in Times of Uncertainty and Change

On a large scale, our nation (impacting the global community) is on the edge of transition and change, with the Obama Administration winding down and the Trump Administration revving up. I admit that I have gotten teary eyed thinking about the Obama family transition out of the White House. And also a little teary when Mr. President gave Joe Biden the Presidential Medal of Freedom. No matter the side of the aisle on which you sit or stand, there are compelling emotions when we see change and transitions happening on this large of a scale.

With change and transition, there is a level of uncertainty and fear. Often, this uncertainty and fear then comes out of us in ways that are not becoming to ourselves or our nation as a whole. People have lost friendships over this upcoming transition. Hate speech and hate crimes are reported more and more in the media. People are dismissive of each other and don't listen to what others, especially those on the other side of the aisle, have to say. When acting out of fear, there is a tendency to hide the fear under a blanket of anger to hide the real feelings that fear can bring up, such as anxiety or sadness.

There is another way we can gracefully face uncertain times of change and transition. That way is having hope. No matter who you voted for, most everyone during this time has hope for what is next for this country and the world.

What exactly is hope? 

• The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines hope as: 1) to cherish a desire with anticipation :  to want something to happen or be true 2) to desire with expectation of obtainment or fulfillment. 
• According to Psychology Today,"Hope is not a brand new concept in psychology. In 1991, the eminent positive psychologist Charles R. Snyder and his colleagues came up with Hope Theory. According to their theory, hope consists of agency and pathways.  The person who has hope has the will and determination that goals will be achieved, and a set of different strategies at their disposal to reach their goals. Put simply: hope involves the will to get there, and different ways to get there"(www.psychologytoday.com).
• Christianity also teaches us that hope is one of the three theological virtues: Faith, Hope and Love.
• Finally, one of my favorites is from Emily Dickinson: 

The many definitions of hope can help us approach times of transition and change, especially when these times feel uncertain, or the change happens against your desires. Maybe you are facing a transition that is unwelcome: a job loss, a divorce, a death loss, financial disruption…where in this unwelcome transition can you find hope? Likewise, if the change is welcome and you have positive anticipation for what is next, what hopes do you have for this transition to have a successful outcome?

Even in the transition of power happening in this country this week, people from all sides of the aisle can find hope in that transition. You might hope your own life will improve by the promises of the President-elect. You might hope to face the policies proposed by this administration by protesting, engaging in activism and community organizing to make alternative change happen. However hope looks to you, it is the one thread we all have in common. Perhaps it may lead us to open up and listen to one another rather than dismiss each other out of fear and anger.

That which no longer serves you

As I was thinking about welcoming in a New Year and symbolically a New Start, I framed my desires for 2017 around the question of "What is no longer serving me?" The answer that came to me as I meditated on it was that having a television with cable TV no longer was serving me. Once I fully let that sink in, and accepted what it meant to get rid of TV, I took the plunge and cancelled my Comcast TV account effective this Friday. Deep breath in…deep breath out. (Side note: I am, however, keeping my Netflix streaming plan for those dire moments when I just need some couch time and a favorite show, because I know my boundaries and that indeed show watching down time can be a good stress reliever).

Let me backtrack a bit and tell you why TV is no longer serving me. Those who know me well know I am a champion "hunkering in" person. I could win awards for the amount of time I spend alone, at home, and content to do so. I have created a number of rituals around being a "nester" that bring me comfort and help me to not feel lonely but rather as though I am "feeding my soul." Curling up on the couch, greyhound nearby, a good home cooked meal in front of me, and identifying a number of TV shows or movies I enjoy has been one of those rituals. However, as 2017 approached I realized I wanted to do things a little differently. Step outside the nest a little more. Push my boundaries, and live a little more. I realized that I won't meet new people sitting inside my quaint and cozy condo; that the only people I meet are characters on the big screen. That I won't see new art, or take in great theater, or take an evening walk enjoying the sunset, or even sit at a coffee shop with a book or a writing project and take in the energy of the people around me. 

My space, as well, is no longer serving my needs as I work at home and need ample creative space to make art, write, and work. Part of this reason is because my condo is very small and I don't have an extra bedroom to make into an office; but the other part is because an entire wall is dedicated to the TV. Getting rid of my TV will allow me to finally get the space balance I need in my condo to live, work, and entertain.

The question "What is no longer serving you?" isn't cut and dry. It isn't about "giving things up" necessarily; it is definitely not about bringing lack and scarcity into your life. It is about…

• What is keeping you from living the life you want to live? 
• What is keeping you from achieving the goals you have for yourself? 
• What are the roadblocks to your dreams/desires? 

Maybe you hit the snooze button many times in the morning, which makes you late getting off to work, so you can't get that workout in you want to do in order to get more fit. Hitting the snooze button no longer is serving you; but then maybe going bed so late or drinking coffee late into the afternoon is no longer serving you as well because it keeps you groggy and tired in the morning. The question "What is no longer serving you?" isn't about one thing that you need to stop in order to reach a goal; rather, it is a lifestyle question that helps you frame how you want to live your life and how to achieve your life's goals, hopes, and dreams.

As we inch our way through the first month of this year, take some time to reflect on what is no longer serving you. Ask yourself these questions:

1. What do I want more of in my life?
2. What is no longer serving me? What is getting in the way of what I want for my life?
3. How can I let go of what no longer serves me? How can I embrace the changes I want to make?
4. How can I live enough outside of my comfort zone that I will be more courageous, brave, and energized about life this time next year?

Even though the question "What is no longer serving you?" can lead to a positive lifestyle shift, baby steps are often how to get there. It doesn't have to be as big as getting rid of your TV; maybe it is as small as not hitting the snooze button…which may lead to your workout…which may give you more energy…which may make you excited to do it all again the next day. However what you decide to change looks, take note of the positive impacts it has on your life. 

Meaningful New Year's Resolutions

We are coming out of the darkest month, winter solstice behind us and more light entering in our days. As 2017 approaches we look toward it with hope, maybe with a little trepidation, and with new eyes for the year's goals.

Where were you this time last year? I was working as a hospice social worker, feeling connection and love to my patients but disconnected from the logistics of the job. I knew my calling was being half fulfilled, walking with people in the scariest and hardest part of life, but the other half, the stress…the on-call hours, the daily "crisis" mode I felt like I was in...I wasn't satisfied with. As much as I tried all the self-care tools and tips I knew of, I started feeling that something was wrong that I had to work so hard to undo the stress I experienced 50plus hours a week. A good friend and I would take long walks in our neighborhood and talk about our hopes and dreams for 2016. Not only was this the year that I felt like I wanted professional change, it was the year of my 40th birthday. I wanted my 40th year to be special, marked by meaningful change and a purpose-filled existence.

2016 was a year where I manifested many things that I set intentions upon that New Year's. I managed to leave the stress of my job behind by leaving my job and starting Soulful Transitions. I managed to unearth the creative and artistic soul that lie dormant in me for decades. I managed to put together walking with people in tough times with artistic expression, and seeing positivity unfold. As I recently dismantled the vision board I had created for myself in 2016 I realized I reached all the professional goals I had set for myself in 2016.

Personal goals, however, were another matter, and these are set forth on my vision board for 2017. The hope for new relationships to unfold, the desire for amping up my already healthy lifestyle into one that incorporates more movement, more healthy food, more reflective and meditative time for myself. My vision board is not focused this time on my work, as I have another place where I now keep my intentions for Soulful Transitions to grow. My personal life is what needs a little fine tuning this 41st year of my life.

What kind of New Year's goal setter are you? Sometimes people sleep walk into New Year's and the goals tend to be the same…lose weight, watch less TV, spend more time with loved ones…but when New Year's goals become rote and lose impact on January 2nd maybe it is time to take a different approach. We have a few days before the countdown to 2017, so find some time in your busy day to sit down, take out some paper and a pen, and consider these ideas for meaningful New Year's Resolutions:

• Where in your life do you want to put more attention? Not "Should" put more attention, but "Want To." Where in your life do you feel satisfied? 
• What words would you use to describe your life now? What words would you like to use to describe your life moving forward?
• Reflecting on the Bill Keane quote “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery…today is a gift, which is why it is called the present” what can you work toward letting go from the past, what hopes/anxieties do you have for the future, and how can you remain in the present moment to keep grounded? Remember, the past is over and done with and there isn't much you can do to change the events, the future hasn't even occurred, so what can you do to remain in the present moment?
• Spiritual leader Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith describes integrity in this way: "Integrity is about being integrated with the spiritual values of the Universe. It is also about being happy, because happiness and joy means that you are coming into integrity with your soul." When you consider living a life of integrity, what does that mean to you? Is it an alignment of your physical, spiritual, emotional, professional, mental, and relational aspects? How can you bring these parts of you into alignment?
• Consider one to three things you want to change in your life. If you were to look back this time next year and feel satisfied, what would need to happen this year to get you there?

After reflecting on these questions, take some time this week to gather together items for a vision board. Cut out quotes and pictures from magazines that are aligned with the intentions and goals you have for the New Year. Find photos you love, quotes from Internet sources that inspire you to integrate all the aspects of your life. When you have your items together, take some time before January 1st to post them to a cork board, foam board, or just a piece of paper. Hang it where you can see it, and throughout the year add to it and subtract from it when you either feel inspired by something or no longer inspired by something. Keep it up all year and this time next year you can reflect on where you are this time next year and what you may want to consider for 2018.

Interested in gathering some friends or colleagues together for a vision board workshop in January to create intentions for the New Year? Contact me and I can come to your home or workplace for a small fee toward materials and instruction.

End of year report and looking to the future

Please note: Wednesday Words blog posts will be on a holiday until we approach the New Year. Soulful Transitions wishes you all a holiday season filled with light, love, reflection, and heartfelt time with family/friends. If you find the holidays stressful or difficult, feel free to read my past blog posts on getting through tough times:

Self Care in Times of Transition

Tips to Keep your "Give" Tank Full

Know that there are many resources out there for you during the holidays if you are also dealing with grief and loss. An excellent resource can be found here:

http://grief.com/grief-the-holidays/

We are inching toward 2017 and I thought today would be the day to reflect on where Soulful Transitions has been since its inception in August of 2016 and where it hopes to go! Since August, Soulful Transitions…

• Became an LLC, got an employer ID number, and opened a bank account
• Got covered by business and professional liability insurance
• Renewed Registered Psychotherapist status with the Dept of Regulatory Agencies
• Established a social media presence with a blog site and a Facebook page
• Hosted a self-care workshop
• Attended networking events
• Maintained membership in the Grief Network Alliance
• Posted weekly on the blog about getting through times of transition and change
• Attended seven arts and crafts markets with little gifts from the heART
• Was accepted into Bella Luna Gifts and Gallery for "Little Boxes…"
• Became a member of People House collective community

What does the future hold for Soulful Transitions?

• Hold quarterly workshops on self-care
• Hold "heart of service" workshops at People House (donation only workshops that promote self-care, gratitude and giving back to others)
• Re-brand the creative side of Soulful Transitions that houses the "Little Boxes…" and other gifts from the heART (embellished photos, collage work)
• Look into non-profit status to bring "Little Boxes" and self-care workshops to marginalized populations
• Launch "A Little Box Of Memories" for those looking for a little box to keep memories of departed loved ones
• Create 7 day reminder "Self-Care Cards" and launch those into retail stores
• Get "Little Boxes…" into at least five gift retailers
• Continue to be available for one-on-one sessions for anyone looking to incorporate creativity with dealing with life's transitions
• Move from the blog site to create and implement a website
• Continue presence at arts and crafts markets; pursue farmer's markets for the summer months
• Research studio space that could be used for workshops, Soulful Transitions' workspace, and also could hold pop-up craft shows
• Co-create a networking group with other women entrepreneurs

I look forward to seeing what 2017 will bring! Thank you for joining me as I continue on this journey!

Love and Light,

Melanie

Wrapping up the Gratitude Challenge

My 30 Day Gratitude Challenge is wrapping up and I have spent time reflecting on how to ensure a grateful heart every day. I pulled out an old gratitude journal-the one Sarah Ban Breathnach had published years ago-and will keep it by my bed to continue writing down my gratitudes each day. The one extra step…the step of honoring that gratitude with action...is what I truly hope to take with me as a daily ritual. Not only reflecting on my gratitude but also doing the work of showing it has allowed the gratitude to make an imprint on my heart and soul.

• Thursday, Nov 24th: Grateful for Thanksgiving! I have so much gratitude for this day to be with family. To honor this day, I treated my family to a Thanksgiving feast, made my home a "no-political" zone so we could enjoy each other, and also got to spend some time with my dear neighbor/friend and her family.
• Friday, Nov 25th: Grateful for being able to spend time outdoors! To honor it, on this beautiful day, I took Rene for a long walk at a local park.
• Saturday, Nov 26th: Grateful for patience! I honored my patience by using mindfulness and deep breathing when faced with a large crowd and small spaces at a local holiday market.
• Sunday, Nov 27th: Grateful for light! At today's Mile Hi Church service, Rev. Shannon gave a talk on how light always shines in times of darkness. To honor it, I added a few more little strings of lights in my home and had those small lights shining in the evening.
• Monday, Nov 28th: Grateful for discipline! To honor it, I steered myself back toward my daily routine after the detour of the holidays.
• Tuesday, Nov 29th: Grateful for sleep! I got an entire nights rest and woke up naturally at 5:30am. To honor it I am using my energy to get things accomplished this morning rather than wait until later.
• Wednesday, Nov 30th: Grateful for my health! To honor it today, I am doing a one day cleanse. Lots of warm water with ginger, lemon and small vegetarian meals throughout the day. Plus, some stretching and a good walk with Rene!

As we hover this day over the start of a new month, one of the darkest months of the year, I wish you experiences of gratitude that can be the beacon of light during the darkness. 

Gratitude Challenge Week Three

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, 2016. I have continued on my gratitude journey, and am discovering that thankfulness enters into my heart every day in some way. I am especially thankful for this holiday, where time slows a bit and allows family and friends to savor each other.

• Thursday, Nov 17th: Grateful that Rene enjoys other dogs! I honored her easy going personality by having her good friend Ava over for the day. I can tell she likes the company.
• Friday, Nov 18th: Grateful for feeling good, healthy and energized! I honored this day by using my energy to get things done, to spend with Rene, and to have good friends over for dinner.
• Saturday, Nov 19th: Grateful for serendipity! To honor it, while working a craft show, I spent time with new friends, ran into a seasoned friend and met her husband for the first time, and networked with other women entrepreneurs.
• Sunday, Nov 20th: Grateful for tapping into spontaneity, wonder and awe! To honor it, a friend and I were spontaneous, treated ourselves to brunch at Rioja and spent some time on Larimer Square, enjoying the feeling of the holiday season ramping up.
• Monday, Nov 21st: Grateful for my courage! To honor it, I spoke up at my HOA board meeting and brought up issues that others may have deemed unimportant or uncomfortable to discuss.
• Tuesday, Nov 22nd: Grateful for Facebook! To honor it, I had brunch with a dear "g-old" friend who I haven't seen in years and we reconnected with this social media technology. Our reunion held no awkward moments, rather we just picked up right where we left off!
• Wednesday, Nov 23rd: Grateful to be off today! To honor it, I will make the most of the day, getting ready to host my family tomorrow.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and I wish it a day of peace, love, relaxation, good food, friends, family, and some pie!

Gratitude Challenge Week Two

My 30 Day Gratitude Challenge continues. I am finding the ritual of waking up and thinking about what to be grateful for that day, as well as how to honor it, has been an inspiring way to greet the day!

• Thursday, Nov 10th: Grateful for my friends! To honor them, I called two friends who I hadn't spoken to in a while. I sent cards to four friends I have known since grade school/high school acknowledging my gratitude for their life long friendship.
• Friday, Nov 11th: Grateful for active duty and veteran military service! Grateful for my freedom. To honor them/my freedom I posted a thank you on Facebook and acknowledged all the vets I have served as a hospice social worker.
• Saturday, Nov 12th: Grateful for Soulful Transitions' customers! To honor them, at the Cook Park Artisan Market I threw in free earrings and cards for purchases to acknowledge my appreciation.
• Sunday, Nov 13th: Grateful for my spiritual path! To honor it, I went to Mile Hi Church to engage in spiritual self-care.
• Monday, Nov 14th: Grateful that I enjoy cooking! To me, homemade meals have been so healing and comforting during difficult times. To honor cooking, I went grocery shopping and made turkey tacos for dinner.
• Tuesday, Nov 15th: Grateful for the gallery and store Bella Luna and all the people I have met through there! To honor it, I put a gratitude out on Facebook, thanking a neighbor and friend for introducing me to the owner of Bella Luna.
• Wednesday, November 16th: Grateful for the beautiful weather of this fall! To honor it I took Rene on a longer than usual walk in a local park. I took off my headphones for a bit, enjoyed the distant moon over the silhouette of the mountains.

The first week of the gratitude challenge

Last week was the start of my 30 day gratitude challenge! I must admit, I was feeling like I was trudging through last week just a bit. However, I found being present to gratitude lifted the fog I was feeling and made me feel alive and connected to my work, my community, my family and friends. Today, this day after the presidential election, I continue to reflect on gratitude as a way to remind myself to be ever present in the moment and to appreciate all the good things in my life.

• Tuesday, Nov 1st: Grateful for my parents! To honor them I bought Duffeyrolls and made them breakfast as a surprise.
• Wednesday, Nov 2nd: Grateful for Rene, my greyhound! To honor her I took her on a mid-day romp at the dog park with her dog friend Ava.
• Thursday, Nov 3rd: Grateful for having known, loved, was loved by, and married to Mike! To honor him Rene and I took a trip to the cemetery and spent time at his grave.
• Friday, Nov 4th: Grateful for "my voice"! To honor my voice I spoke up when I needed to and shared my feelings.
• Saturday, Nov 5th: Grateful for my business Soulful Transitions! To honor it I was very "present" at the holiday market representing my business and connecting with many people, sharing my story and hearing their stories as well.
• Sunday, Nov 6th: Grateful for my neighbor Mary! To honor her I gave her a thank you card, small chocolate piece and a grape ornament I had made.
• Monday, Nov 7th: Grateful for my car! To honor it I gave it a well-deserved wash and vacuum.
• Tuesday, Nov 8th: Grateful for being able to have a morning ritual! To honor it I made tea and sipped it in bed with Rene asleep by my side.
• Wednesday, Nov 9th: Grateful for my brother! To honor him I mailed him a card telling him how much I appreciate him in my life.

30 Day Gratitude Challenge

This week, Wednesday Words is being posted one day earlier as it is the beginning of the month and I wanted to invite you to a 30 Day Gratitude Challenge! Starting today, and for each day of November, think about one thing per day for which you are grateful. To further challenge you, not only think about one thing a day for which you are grateful, but put gratitude for it into action that day.  Here is my example:

Today I am grateful for my family who are loving and supportive. To show them my gratitude, I treated them to Duffeyrolls and breakfast as a surprise this morning.

I have created a Gratitude Calendar you can download and print off. At the top of each day write the one thing you are grateful for that day, and underneath it write what you did to acknowledge/honor it. At the end of the month you can look back and be reminded of all the good things in your life.

Download the Gratitude Calendar here:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-xgCreNSZ2OYTR4VXRERndUWlE/view?usp=sharing

Why gratitude?  Those of us who have experienced personal loss, struggle, difficult change or transition have learned the hard way the positive impact of gratitude has on our lives, ability to cope, ability to have hope and encouragement for the future and being present in the moment for feelings of peace. When I counsel people after the loss of a loved one, they often ask me, What can I do to stop this pain? How long will this pain last? What can you tell me to feel better? In most cases, I wish I had a magic wand to wave it all away, or a big blanket of love to cover that person; however, much of our own healing comes from within. Being grateful and having a gratitude practice, where you actively acknowledge that for which you are grateful, allows you to be in the present moment and not stuck in fear for the future or regrets from the past.

Why 30 days?  I am not going to tell you that 30 days leads to new habits…that idea is challenged by experts and many say new habits take longer than that to form. However, I will anecdotally support the notion that a 30 day challenge has long term positive impacts. A 30 day challenge can give you something new to focus on, can bring awareness to things you may have forgotten about, or help you on the path to new practices and positive personal growth/change. Below, enjoy this short video by Matt Cutts from a 2011 TED Talk about 30 day challenges:

For the month of November, Wednesday Words will feature those things for which I am grateful and how I honored them each day. Whether you share yours with your friends and family or keep it private is up to you, but I hope you find the practice inspiring and that it will help lead you to feelings of peace and joy.

Altar Creation for Loved Ones Passed or for Visioning

As Dia de los Muertos approaches I wanted to share a little about the transformational power of altar creation. For those celebrating and honoring their dead, altars are created and on them placed items the loved one enjoyed (foods/drinks), pictures and anything that would be a special reminder of that person's life. Altars can serve many purposes-they can be a celebratory space, a meditative space, a spiritual space, a remembrance space or a visioning space. Below are some examples. 

I created this altar with all things that bring me joy...spirituality, symbolism, creativity, celebration...

I made a "mini-altar" in a shadowbox with some photos of my late husband Mike and me and some of the things he loved-Chewbacca and Antarctica figurines!

These are altars at the Dia de los Muertos celebration from last year at the Denver Botanic Gardens

Altars can transform grief and sadness into hope and encouragement by reminding us of the joy that person brought while he/she was alive. Altars can also transform the future-by creating a "visioning altar" for example you can put things that you hope to happen in the future and meditate on them to be manifested. People often do this with "vision boards" as well for the same outcome.

What kind of altar would you create? Is there a loved one who has passed you want to celebrate and remember? Are there loved ones struggling-or are you struggling-and you want to create an altar for hope and healing? Or do you want to create a new vision for your life?

Altars can be created in five very accessible steps:

1) Locate a place in your home where you would like the altar. Maybe it is in a quiet, reflective space or maybe you want it front in center to be reminded every time you walk by. Clear that space of what is currently on there.
2) Find a cloth, scarf or other fabric you enjoy looking at and lay it on the surface.
3) Layer the surface with your altar items. Put larger items in the back and smaller items in the front. Include anything that is meaningful, positive, uplifting and joyful about the person/situation/or vision on which you plan to focus. Include candles (those LED candles are nice so you don't forget to blow them out) and burn incense/use an essential oil diffuser at the altar.
4) When the altar is created, make it a space where you can reflect on what is there several times a day. If you want, share with friends and family your altar so they can appreciate it and find hope in it, too.
5) Observe what's in your heart and happening in your life…do you feel more uplifted? At peace? Are some things you are hoping for in the future coming true?

Celebrating Life by Honoring Death

"To the inhabitant of New York, Paris, or London, death is a word that is never uttered because it burns the lips. The Mexican on the other hand, frequents it, mocks it, caresses it, sleeps with it, entertains it; it is one of his favorite playthings and his most enduring love." - Octavio Paz, The Labyrinth of Solitude


I spent Friday evening at my favorite gallery-Chac Gallery and Cultural Center-and participated in their widely anticipated and highly celebrated Dia de los Muertos party. Traditional Aztec dancers, face painting, sugar skull decorating, a piñata and a "Tree of Life" all commemorated this event. The festivities continue through the months end, where between October 30th and early November Day of the Dead festivities will ramp up in communities across the United States and in other countries such as Mexico.

I remember learning about Dia de los Muertos intimately after my husband had died. I found solace in reading about any topic on grief and death as those were texts I could relate to. I picked up a book, Day of the Dead by Kitty Williams and Stevie Mack, and became intrigued that death could be a celebratory event, not just a sad one. The concept shook me to the core, as grief's painful grip had been clutching my heart. Slowly, thanks to the introduction to the celebration death could bring, I began to embrace the idea. I threw a Dia de los Muertos party, creating an altar where people brought pictures of loved ones passed and their favorite food items; the kids made paper flowers and decorated skull and skeleton coloring pages; we ate Pan de Muerto (Mexican bread of the dead) and lit candles. We drank, ate, and celebrated our loved ones with stories and a few tears. It was magical. To this day, I attend Dia de los Muertos celebrations at some point during the month of October into early November. I go to Mike's grave a little more often to just be reminded of having been touched by his life here on earth.

"We come only to sleep, only to dream. It is not true, it is not true that we come to live on this earth. We become as spring weeds, we grow green and open the petals of our hearts. Our body is a plant in flower, it gives flowers and it dies away." - Netzahual Coyotl, Poet and Ruler of Texcoco

If you are interested in learning more about Dia de los Muertos-the history, the imagery, the use of skulls, the creation of altars, the types of food, and other details-this article from National Geographic is very good. The Denver Botanic Gardens will be hosting their Dia de los Muertos celebration on November 5th, another opportunity for the whole family to learn about this tradition and celebration. Or, stop by the Chac Gallery off 7th and Santa Fe to get a true, authentic taste and education on this celebration.

From last year's Dia de los Muertos celebration at the Denver Botanic Gardens, enjoy some imagery I took of this celebration of life!

A Vision for Your Life: Empowering Vs. Disempowering Thoughts

Recently, Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith, the founder and spiritual leader of the Agape International Spiritual Center in California, was interviewed by Oprah on her Super Soul Sunday program:

Rev. Michael Beckwith on OWN Super Soul Sunday

Something that he talks about, and I am just beginning to fully comprehend, is the concept of creating a vision for your life and manifesting it to happen. A part of this visioning process is daily asking yourself empowering questions versus dis-empowering questions when it comes to your life. Beckwith preaches and lives the lesson of manifestation; that we are all unique aspects of the divine able to show our own unique selves as a reflection of the infinite possibilities of the universe. He was instrumental as an interviewee in the movie "The Secret" in which Rhonda Byrne presents how the law of attraction and positive thinking can attract health, happiness and abundance.

Beckwith emphasizes living with intention and asking ourselves: "What am I setting forth for myself?" I was struck by his discussion in the episode about changing from dis-empowering questions and self-talk to empowering questions and self-talk. He provides an example of what that means. Dis-empowering questions are those that surround the idea of "something happened to me." "If only my husband didn't die things would be so much better..." "Why am I stuck in a job I hate?" or "What should I be doing with my life?" Rather, Beckwith encourages us to ask questions that empower ourselves each day: "What is unfolding in my life?" "What is the gift I want to bring to the world?" "Why is this challenge presenting itself in my life?" and "What is unique about me that I can bring forth and manifest?" These questions, rather than questions that keep us in the "victim" stage, can help us begin on a path of unfolding our dreams, abundance and unique purpose in this world by holding ourselves accountable to our own lives.

I found a website as well that provides more concrete examples of dis-empowering vs. empowering words (From this article on powering up your language):

Dis-empowering	Empowering
should	choose, desire, want, could
need to	want to, choose to, desire to
have to	desire to
can't	am not willing to, choose not to
always, never	sometimes, often, seldom
must	choose, desire
but	and
try	intend, aim, will, can, commit to
nah, nope, huh-uh	No
yeah, uh-huh	Yes
just, only	I AM
maybe
you make me	I feel, I am
you - used when talking about yourself	I
if only	next time
problem	opportunity, challenge

Two keys to asking empowering questions are 1) Being open to the answer and 2) Ask with sincerity and transcend religiosity (meaning, ask from the heart and not in a prayer you feel like you "should" be doing)

How might you be able to incorporate empowering thoughts into your day? How might you keep yourself open to the answers that may come to you intuitively? What about empowering thoughts may seem to be out of reach or scary to think about? What about empowering thoughts get you energized?

For myself, I made some "reminder cards" from various phrases Beckwith used in the OWN episode. I keep them by my bed and read them each morning when I wake up. And I have noticed that when I face challenges throughout my day, I take them more in stride and try to find the gift these challenges are presenting to me and with the gratitude that I am alive and able to face opportunities that come my way.