Self-care in times of transition

I recently experienced a spectrum of transition and change through situations of friends and family, all in this order:

• A good friend's healthy and vibrant husband died in his sleep from a heart attack, leaving her with 3 sons to care for
• My parents got into a car accident, leaving my mom in the hospital and then weeks of recovering at home
• A very dear friend moved out of state
• Another friend is expecting a baby 

As I sat at my friend's baby shower, I reflected on the previous few weeks of transition, change and loss in my own life. I juxtaposed those times to sitting at House of Commons teahouse with a beaming mother-to-be, surrounded by excited family and friends, ready to celebrate a new life and a new future for her family.

In all cases, self-care is first and foremost when experiencing times of transition. For my friend who lost her husband, I knew the one thing I could do is encourage her self-care during the whirlwind of visitors, the funeral and the emotional aftermath she is left to make sense of. For my mom, self-care has been very important in her recovery. For my friend who moved out of state, self-care has been needed during the stressful and messy process of packing, cleaning, driving the moving truck, unpacking, settling in to a new place and getting her feet under her in her new town. For my friend who is about to have a baby, self-care will help her to remain calm in the face of the changes a new baby can bring.

While it sounds self-explanatory, I think self-care is often mis-understood. We tend to pile on ourselves all of our shoulds: I should put my kids first; I should work overtime to make a good impression on the boss; I should do-it-all with a smile so people think I have it together. However, time and time again we are reminded of the airline oxygen mask metaphor: "In the event of an emergency, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. If you are are traveling with a minor, please put on your own mask before helping the minor." What this translates to is…you are no good to anybody if you are gasping for your own air.

Self-care is the intentional care for oneself in order to reduce stress and be in harmony with the situations you are facing. Self-care categories and examples include:

• Physical self-care - Such as exercising, eating healthy meals and getting regular sleep
• Emotional self-care - Such as laughing, crying, expressing feelings and doing things that bring comfort
• Psychological self-care - Such as taking breaks from technology, going on a mini-vacation and practicing meditation
• Spiritual self-care - Such as praying, going to church, reading inspiring literature, spending time in nature and cherishing optimism and hope
• Relational self-care - Such as setting boundaries, spending time with people who really understand you and doing things you enjoy rather than out of obligation
• Professional self-care - Such as taking breaks throughout the day, arrange workspace so it is comfortable and soothing and seeking out peer support or supervision

As activist and writer Audrey Lorde is often quoted saying, "Self-care isn't about self-indulgence…it's about self-preservation."

As you move through the week, think about how you can incorporate self-care into your daily routine. What little things can you do for yourself to ensure your oxygen mask is on good and tight so you can be there for everyone else? 

• Maybe you forget to drink water throughout the day leaving you feeling sluggish and headachy…so make it easy for yourself to remember to drink that water by stashing filled water bottles throughout your office, car and home. 
• Maybe you hit the snooze button one too many times making you late for work and stressed in your mornings…so each morning plan to do something enjoyable just for yourself that will motivate you to not hit the snooze button. 
• Maybe you get so engrossed at work you only step away from your desk for a bathroom break…why don't you take some time to walk at lunch and refresh your brain.
• Say "no" if you really don't want to go to an event rather than go out of obligation.
• Revive your spirit with a hot bath or shower with your favorite scented soap. 
• Enjoy time in nature or in a vibrant garden.

Self-care doesn't have to seem as extreme as an emergency on an airplane with oxygen masks falling from the ceiling; it can be as easy as regular meals, regular sleep and getting outside in nature. Then, when you face all the transitions and change that life throws your way, you will be ready for it.