Limitation as a Self-Care Practice

I came across the A Step Along the Way prayer by Archbishop Oscar Romero many years ago. It left an imprint on my heart and soul, and I have been pondering it quite a bit these days.

The prayer in its entirety can be found here but in essence Romero is saying that we as human beings have limitations. That we are the worker bees, not the "messiah's" or "master builders". In our own lives we can only do so much, that we accomplish only a fraction of what we are here to do. That we "plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold a future promise.  We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities." 

I got to thinking about this prayer a lot lately considering what has been happening in the United States with a political regime change and some of the strife that is occurring around it. Lately I have finally unearthed myself from a fog that has included a sense of feeling overwhelmed. What political rallies should I attend? What senators should I write? What activist meetings should I go to? Am I doing enough? I became paralyzed by the thought that I wasn't doing enough. 

And then I remembered this prayer. And I started linking this prayer not only to understanding my own limitations but also remembering the importance of self-care and self-compassion.

Brene Brown also talks about this in her own way. In much of her work she writes about perfectionism, and I see the link between perfectionism, Archbishop Romero's prayer, and my own sense of feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed. Brown describes perfectionism in her book Daring Greatly:

• It is not the same thing as striving for excellence; it is a defensive move, so that if we look perfect we can minimize blame and judgment
• It is not self-improvement; it is about earning approval
• Perfectionism is correlated with anxiety, depression and life paralysis
• It is self-destructive and an addictive belief
• It keeps us from the practice of feeling vulnerable and having self-compassion

I will take it one step further and say perfectionism keeps us from practicing the self-care needed to refill our personal "give tanks" everyday. 

Once we start feeling that only we can be the ones to accomplish something, or change someone's mind, or make the change happen we are falling into the depths of perfectionist thinking. Once in those depths, we stop taking care of ourselves and we stop having self-compassion for our own limitations and burn ourselves out, making us no good to anyone.

So, I ask you…

• Where in your life are you feeling like you are the only one who can accomplish something? Is that really true? Are there others who can help?
• Where in your life are you letting perfectionism creep in? Is it at work? Is it in the social realm? Is it in your home life? What does it look like? What does it feel like?
• What self-care and self-compassion practices can you cultivate in order to take a little pressure off yourself? What brings you joy? What lets you forget about your worries for just a little while and really show up, be present in what you are experiencing?

For me, I know I need to set some limitations. Pick one social justice issue I am passionate about and get involved. Most importantly, continue my own self-care practices that help me really live in the present moment and not get mired in the "what if" syndrome. From there, I need to have a little faith that if we all do a little bit it will make an impact on the collective whole. And that still won't be enough, but it is a step along the way...