I Wish You a "Hygge Life"

The concept of self-care became important to me as I was beginning to unpack the emotional suitcase my husband’s death left behind. Having been a primary caregiver for the last 9 months of his life, as well as attempting to work full-time, still be a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a pet owner, a home owner, etc. I was left drained by stress, burnout, exhaustion, sadness, and fear. I found myself at any little sign of stress or change unable to keep it together or cope. I embarked on my discovery of what might bring me peace, comfort and joy as well as the ability to cope with the unexpected twists and turns the road of life includes. At the time it meant leaving my career in higher education to take some time off, engage in a yoga and walking practice, travel a little, cook good meals and eat well, and attend many retreats and workshops. But life had to get moving again, and I find myself still in a continuing practice of discovering what brings me joy, contentment, love, and coping with any difficulties that may come my way.

Self-care means many things to many people. It can come in all sorts of different forms depending on your own life. It can be as simple as taking a hot bath after a long day, choosing to take 30 minutes to sit and enjoy a lunch break at work instead of eating at your desk (or not eating at all), or as in-depth as setting boundaries and saying “no” when it can be difficult to do that. Self-care can be a daily act or ritual, or it can be a lifestyle choice.

On Christmas Eve, my friend Meg and I were talking about those items on our proverbial plates of life-family, work, paying the bills, etc-and what we do to dis-engage from the noise of life to recenter ourselves-mind, body, and soul. She introduced me to the Danish concept of “hygge” which I have found to be an elevated way of living a life of self-care. To best describe “hygge” (I think pronounced hue-guh but don’t quote me on that!) in one sentence:

 

I did a little research, and much of the tradition comes from those long Scandinavian cold nights where families spent time cozied up by the fire, telling stories and being together. It is a way for people to break up the cold, dark and often boredom found in such long days and nights-anything from a hot cup of coffee, to lighting candles or a fire, or being wrapped in warm blankets while reading a good book. But, hygge isn’t a winter only activity-it is found in all seasons: Sharing a meal with friends, having a picnic, running through sprinklers, sinking bare feet into grass, or feeling ocean waves cover your feet as they sink into sand. It’s wearing clothing you like, engaging in small rituals to make the day enjoyable, and celebrates community and being with family and friends, as well as singular little joys.

This winter, I am committing myself to a little hygge, everyday. I am slowing down, letting go of feeling like I should be doing something or need to be doing something. I am taking hot baths while listening to a good audiobook in the background; I am lighting candles every night; I am buying myself flowers and wearing my cozy slippers; I am stargazing wrapped in blankets with a hot drink on my balcony; I am bringing a travel mug of coffee or tea on my walks with Rene; I am re-defining what quality time means with family and friends. I am also learning a bit of the hygge life from Rene, who seems to have this concept perfected!

Living a “Hygge Life” doesn’t mean that it is one more thing to have to add to your already overflowing plate. It isn’t just one more thing you “should do”. Hyggehouse.com explains it for the Danes as: “By creating simple rituals without effort the Danes see both the domestic and personal life as an art form and not everyday drudgery to get away from. They incorporate hygge into their daily life so it becomes a natural extension rather than a forced and stressful event. So whether it’s making coffee a verb by creating a ritual of making it every morning to a cozy evening in with friends where you’re just enjoying each others company to the simple act of lighting a candle with every meal, hygge is just about being aware of a good moment.” So, however you decide to incorporate a little hygge into your life I hope it brings you coziness, comfort and joy! (Side note: Critics have said that hygge can be seen as a white, middle or upper class concept. For the sake of this writing, I am taking the perspective that everyone can incorporate a tiny bit of hygge into their day to day routines. However, I know that it is easier for people who have privilege or means to do that versus people who do not).

Taking Care

Lately I have been thinking about all that is going on that has bubbled up so many different emotions in so many people. Natural disasters that have uprooted lives and destroyed homes, cities, even islands; people coming forward about sexual harassment and assault perpetrated on them; mass shootings; a healthcare system in question; fiery talk between the US and North Korea; refugee crises across the world; anxiety of Dreamers about their future; anxiety of immigrant communities about their living situations; dare I say the list goes on?

As my own anxieties surface about the state of things, I have been struggling with how to respond. How much to say; how much to not say; how much money to give to various organizations; where to volunteer; how I can help. With such a list, nothing seems good enough and can feel very frustrating.

During times like these, I take a deep breath and go back to my very basics, those basics I have learned throughout my life and education that remind me the most important thing I can do is take care of myself. As the saying goes, “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.”

I thought I would share a list of self-care practices that you can use to get through the anxieties of our time. The list is not exhaustive and you may have your own items to add to it. I find when I employ self-care techniques that work for me, I can breathe again and be who I want to be for and with others.

1. Find physical and tactile ways to soothe yourself. Much of what we are hearing about can lead to us re-living our past traumas. Trauma can sit in body and resurface, so find ways to self-soothe physically: Take a walk; take a hot bath; seek massage, yoga, stretching, tai chi or pilates to get your body moving and cared for; pet your dog, cat or other pets.
2. Step away and take time just to “be”: Silence can be a wonderful thing. Turning off the TV, radio, computer, phone and spend time in the silence. Step away from the duties of the day-family, workplace, etc-and spend some time by yourself. Reconnect to that inner beauty of who you are, not who you think you need to be to others. Stop the noise from coming in for just a little while, take some deep breaths, and just “be”.
3. Re-connect to your spiritual self. This can mean really anything that lifts your soul and heart. Go to church, mosque, temple. Walk in nature and really immerse yourself in all its glory and interconnectedness. Listen to an inspiring podcast. Read spiritual texts. Sing. Meditate. Pray. Philosopher and Jesuit Priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said: “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." Tap into that spiritual side of yourself and let it express itself.
4. Find a creative outlet. Creating is a great way to address your anxieties and have a place for them to go. Cooking a meal, for yourself or to share, that you absolutely love. Coloring in a coloring book. Make a piece of art. Sing, play an instrument, attend a drum circle, dance. Re-decorate parts of your home.
5. Have a change of scenery and get yourself out of your daily routine. Take a scenic drive to work or a different route. Stop to treat yourself to a coffee or tea at a coffee shop that is new to you. Take a day and go to a new park, or visit a small town and stroll its main street. 

The list of self-care practices can go on, and these are some of my favorite go-to things I do when I am feeling like I need to give myself a little TLC. What are yours? What can you add to this list that will help you during uncertain times?

A Well Lived-In Home

I find fall and winter to be the times of year where I create a well lived-in home.

Spring and summer bring me to want to be outside of my home. It brings open windows or doors that may let some dust and bugs in; the light is different and lasts longer; food is microwaved and grilled more than turning on the heat of the oven.

In the fall and winter, I can cultivate aspects of what I consider my own well lived-in home. Soup or stew in the crock pot; lots of incense, sage or cedar sticks burning; warm air circulating; blankets strewn about; lotions and soaps that smell of lavender, vanilla or almond; books on corners of tables that are finally being gotten around to; quieter music filling the air; new journals filled with life reflections and future plans; coffee set on the morning timer to welcome me to the new day.

What evokes a well lived-in home to you?  In the fall and winter how do you nest and tend to your inner garden?

Letting Go

I remember my wedding rehearsal dinner, which was left to my in-laws due to tradition. They went all out country at the Denver Buffalo Company (when it was around), in full with menus in the shape of cowboy boots. Coming off a life of grunge music and Grateful Dead, me being artsy and Mike being this outdoorsy and adventurous guy- both of us trying to be "individual"- both of us didn’t love the "cowboy style" of the rehearsal dinner.

Fast forward so many years and life has changed. Mike is gone and I am left to my own devices. I don’t know how or why but I am a left winged liberal who loves rural America and I hate contemporary country music but absolutely love Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash and line dancing on Tuesday nights at The Grizzly Rose.

What is different?

I guess I have started to learn to let things go. Not hang so tightly to “personal identity” but go more with “what makes me happy.” I love my drives through rural America, and dream of living again in rural America someday. I love walking out of the Grizzly Rose all sweaty because I gave my all to a line dancing lesson to country music I wouldn’t listen to any other time...and screwed up half the dance but had fun doing so anyway.

Where can you identify in your life places where you can let go?  How will letting go serve you for the better? What fear do you have around letting go? And why does hanging on so tightly mean so much?

I ask myself these questions, still, because I still wind myself tight at times. But give me a little music and some room to dance and I hopefully can let it go....

Observer or Participant?

There are times where I find myself feeling as though I am an observer of life, when in reality I am participating in it. I usually experience this when I am off doing some solo travel of some sort. I love taking myself on little trips. I used to go with my husband to a lot of places and I made commitment to myself after he died that I wouldn’t stop exploring. He was an adventurous spirit and he taught me to tap into my own. Although traveling solo can sometimes be lonely, I have always enjoyed the time to do whatever I wanted to do on a little trip somewhere.

I found myself the other day at the Frisco Bay Marina watching all these people enjoying a beautiful day on the water…friends with their dogs ready to take a boat out, people solo kayaking, people picnicking. I thought to myself, “I wish I could be in Frisco with friends or family, on a kayak, or enjoying a carefree picnic”. I also found myself in Georgetown, admiring the darling little historic houses and shops and wishing I could have a little purple house with bright flowers planted in window boxes. I would love to have an old little Victorian house painted purple with a garden of poppies, daisies and lace curtains. 

Why do I go into observer mode? Is it because I think the grass is always greener? But…when I am in observer mode, I am also a participant. Like on this little trip, I walked my dog on the marina down the dock. I snapped colorful photos, I meandered into some old timey little shops in Georgetown. I stopped and picnicked by the water. And I have a lovely little condo with lace curtains, brightly planted containers with geraniums and other flowers, and a balcony where I can enjoy my morning cup of coffee or evening glass of wine. 

Do you ever experience your life like you are just observing it? The one thing I have realized is that it is all about being in the moment. I know,  I know, it sounds cliché. Spiritual leaders, authors, psychologists, doctors, and others often talk about mindfulness and being in the moment as key to enjoying life and to eliminate stress. As I have often times found myself feeling like an observer I have also been accepting more and more my active participation. That means being a part of what I am choosing to do in the moment and just enjoying it.

The next time you find yourself feeling like you are observing life instead of participating, give yourself a nudge. Know that you are an active participant in your life, and the moment is there for you to enjoy!